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Step right up, something wicked this way comes

Ladieeeez and gentlemen! Welcome to the carnival. The Greatest Freak Show in history is here. We have it all. 

Our main attraction is the Amazing Donald, a master of prestidigitation. With his tiny hands he is able to dangle pardons in one while simultaneously writing porn star payoff checks with the other. And that’s not all, the Amazing Donald can snatch children from their parents, lock them in cages and make them disappear and then re-appear sporadically from time to time in detention centers and foster homes throughout the country. All with the aid of his lovely assistant, Kirstjen Nielsen. 

Yowzeh! Yowzeh! Yowzeh! There is plenty to see and experience here. Bring your Bibles and the Amazing Donald will sign the cover. Something your grandchildren will treasure while the oceans rise and the forests burn. 

There are fantastic rides beyond compare. You will never forget the thrill of the Government Shutdown Ferris Wheel. Start your ride without knowing where or when its rotation will stop or for how long. 

And don’t forget the Hall of Mirrors where you try to locate the official of Mexico who has the funds to pay for the Wall. No one ever has, and if you do, you will be rewarded mightily. 

And don’t forget the Foreign Invasion tent. Inside you will find the anti-Muslim booth, the anti-Semitic booth and the anti-immigration booth where you can sign up for a militia group of your particular hate taste. 

Next door, and my personal favorites, are the Voter Suppression and Vote Stealing booths where you can obtain information on the most efficient and cost-effective ways to finish off the democratic process. 

There are so many other attractions, too numerous to mention them all, but I have to mention the Congressional Republican Toadies and Sycophants Hall of Fame. And guess what!? Every single one is in it. 

And I nearly forgot — the Misogyny Manor. For self-hating men and women only. 

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Step right up. This show is here for a limited time only. 

Clay County Progress

Mailing Address: PO Box 483, Hayesville, NC 28904
Physical Address: 43 Main Street, Hayesville, NC 28904
Phone: 828-389-8431
Fax: 828-389-9997